mixed feelings

Hola again followers,
I just posted about my country and some link leading to my placement this summer, but I also promised a blog about my volunteer placement from Wednesday at St. John's kitchen.
I have mixed feelings about my placement and I will tell you why.
As soon as we (Erika and I went together for our first placement) got there I felt as though everyone was staring at me. Probably not true, and I got over it really quickly but it was nerve wracking at first. The volunteer who was in charge was flustered by our arrival, as was I with all the volunteers all over the place, so busy with all the lunch prep.
After somewhat settling in, I was moved about 6 times from activity to activity. Not a huge deal. I was trying to be easy going and fly of the moment (not my strong point as most of you know)... So a bit troubling. So, I'm starting to get the hang of it, feeling a lot better about being there, when all of a sudden another volunteer tells me to get out of her way very rudely, because she has a hot pan in her hands and she needed the move to me immediate. So I move over on the table and continue what I am doing, then she yells at me loud enough for most everyone to hear "I TOLD YOU TO GET OUT OF MY WAY, NOW!" So I grab the two pales I'm working with and throw them on the floor. At this point, I'm almost in tears because of the weird, uncomfortable feeling that I am getting from everyone.
Usually I am the type of person that like to introduce myself to everyone and I can normally persevere through a situation like I had yesterday, however I found myself doing something I've never done before: I started to go inside and I stopped talking to everyone and I put up a huge wall/guard against everyone who talked to me or asked me to do something. Now I know how this probably came off to the other volunteers, "this girl is a snob/brat/or another undesirable word I won't write" and I agree, but I feel like I was addressed rudely first in a zone where I am already uncomfortable therefore I close myself off to everyone.
Anyways, so I continue to internalized my suffering (I'm being a little melodramatic here), and I try to do whatever job I'm told to do as quickly and efficiently as possible. But I find myself looking at the clock every ten or fifteen minutes to see if it is time for me to leave yet.
I also found that it was hard to get to know everyone else because they were in their own world getting things done and trying to do their tasks quickly and efficiently too. I did meet two volunteers that I really connected with and they are the reasons that I want to go back next week, but overall I had the experience that I was unwelcome, unwanted, unappreciated and un-everything. This really upset me, because all I was looking for was a "thanks for coming", or "I'm so glad you showed up/are here". Instead when we arrived the volunteer said something along the lines of there already being too many volunteers and she didn't know what to do with us... Which was obviously sorted out very quickly!
In the end I connected with a few people and it made the experience fairly worthwhile, however it was a lot different than I thought it would be and I'm glad that I know for next time what to expect.
In terms of feeling unwelcome, unappreciated, etc. it made me think, that perhaps that is how the people at St. John's kitchen feel: unwanted, unwelcomed, in other aspects of their lives and that is why they come to somewhere like the St. John's kitchen; to feel welcome and wanted and appreciated. I am glad I had this experience because it put a different aspect of life into perspective for me, however it was very emotional and hard for me to except at first.